答应过某人要写些快乐的东西。我是爱笑的，那种放肆的笑，从胃底溢出后便失去了控制。有很多人评论过我的笑，不是女孩子爱听的那种赞美，哼哼（应该是这种声音，对吧？）。宋说，快乐的小Ji。现在要写些快乐的东西，回忆到了那些笑，却怎么也想不起为何而笑。

Lily买了火车票，比我想象的还要勇敢。还记得那天一起走在那个90年代的角落，感受着水泥地上足球的纯朴，白汗衫的男孩，爬山虎的灰墙，生锈扭曲的铁栅，胡乱堆砌的脱漆家具……你在絮叨，我什么也不想说，只是享受。回到了那个时候，那个时候，我站在桥上看着你慌乱的在草丛中慌乱地找我；那朵蒲公英，还未到我手中就因你过大的动作而开始旅行；为了最大的狗尾巴，白裤子下的膝盖伤痕累累。那天，又看到了蒲公英，狗尾巴却找不到了。

喜欢躺着被人盖上被子的感觉，从身体到内心都有的感动。所以，有时会故意踢掉被子装睡。那天，宋替我盖上伸出的右脚，睡着了的我居然但还是感受到了那种感动，幸福得想哭。

又一天，憔悴地走出细胞房，然后就看到了桌子上的惊喜。只记得和他嘀咕了一句：最近胃不好，没胃口。海苔和肉松包住的蛋卷，是的，我说过，我不爱吃甜食。是你在决定不理我的5分钟后就原谅了我，是你总在我无助的时候感受到了我的需求，是你总是以主动让我忘却自己的被动。有些话不习惯说出口，谢谢你能感受。

这就是留在记忆中的快乐，淡淡的，紫色的。心快乐的时候不会笑出声，就像享受的时候不想说话。只想听你讲，只想看你笑，每一刻都不忍心错过。

 

                    

          蒲公英的花语：停不了的爱

突然感觉，被抛弃了。

抓不到他的手，怎么也抓不到……

 

3点，醒了，有点冷。

关上手机。

再次，怎么也抓不到他的手，怎么也……

 

Lily早上对瓢说：好失落。

岂止失落。

眼泪就在眼眶，只是，没有借口。

 

重装电脑，格式化。

大脑皮层的皱褶，可以抚平嘛？

 

小心翼翼地工作，结果，没有结果。

是付出的不够吧，。

 

感觉，被抛弃了。

痛，好痛。

 

是要放弃一些东西是吧，Lily？

不是我的，我放手。

 

对W说，不要对我那么好。

                      

Easier to run

 

By: Linkin Park      Album: Meteora

 

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something more

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

 

Something has been taken from deep inside of me

The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see

Wounds so deep they never show they never go away

Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

 

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

If I could take all the shame to the grave I would

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

I would take all my shame to the grave

 

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something more

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

 

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past

Bringing back these memories I wish I didn’t have

Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back

And never moving forward so there’d never be a path

 

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

If I could take all the shame to the grave I would

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

I would take all my shame to the grave

 

Just watching in the sun

All of my helplessness inside

Pretending I don't feel misplaced

It's so much simpler to change

 

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something more

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

 

It's easier to run

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made

It's easier to go

If I could change I would take back the pain I would

Retrace every wrong move that I made I would

If I could stand up and take the blame I would

I would take all my shame to the grave

 

07-04-14

忙忙碌碌，碌碌忙忙，顾此失彼，顾彼失此，欢喜一闪而过，惆怅留得久些，是的，似乎久些。

说过要和春花和影，可是，还没说完，花儿谢了。为什么，不等等我？

 

我开始慢慢地生活。

慢慢地走，慢慢地跑，慢慢地咀嚼，慢慢地思考，慢慢地……

亲爱的，你要等等我。

 

放慢了速度，是不是能让欢喜慢慢流走？

慢慢体会蛋糕在口中的溶化，慢慢体会溶在蛋糕中温馨。慢慢地，久久得……

是的，就是你的那块蛋糕。

 

手烫伤了。在熄灭火的前一刹那，从容地欣赏了一下那个火球，确认，我的手在燃烧。

痛是后来的事情，很痛，但是，有些欢喜。

药膏散出激发食欲的浓香，悠悠地，甜甜得……

是的，就是你的那块药膏。

 

再过一个小时就要去慢慢地跑步，真好。

 

我开始慢慢地生活，亲爱的，你要等等我。

我想让，想让欢喜慢慢地离开。